Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
