he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
