i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
