i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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