he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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