i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
