Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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