woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You're a disaster
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