I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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