I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
