went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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