No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
