too bad you live with your parents still
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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