just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
