Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
