I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
