A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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