YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
