sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
