I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
