oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
