Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
