you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
