i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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