Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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