Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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