bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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