He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
