I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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