i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
