Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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