I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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