Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
