last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
