My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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