Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
