the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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