You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize