He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
