dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
