All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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