i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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