break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
