When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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