Im at strip club and am horny
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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