My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
