i permit you to call me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
