I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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