I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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