Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
