I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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