She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
