At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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