Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Girls should come with a carfax report
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
