Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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