I wanna passion pit in your ass
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
