I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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