im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
this hospital has no fireball
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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