Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
