I just pynch a tree in the face
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
