I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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